I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
