I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
