today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
two words: eviction party
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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