I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
