Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
