I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
