Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
