are you so shy because you have an std?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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