You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
