i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
