there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
