I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
