i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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