So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
