So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
