...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize