meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
