And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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