Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
