6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
