I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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