I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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