Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
