Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
