Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
