You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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