Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
