He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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