You're so nebulous sometimes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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