Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
