New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
