Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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