Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
