i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize