dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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