I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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