Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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