I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize