glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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