Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
