remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
