I wish life had little blips of pornography
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
