i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
