So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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