he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
