Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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