And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you never un-have a 4some
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