I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
