there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like abortions should bother me more
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
