Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
