i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have already put on my inside pants.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
