Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
