Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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