I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
