Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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