I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
