I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
