she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
