he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize