Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
