you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
