No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
