I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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