census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
