I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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