I smell stomach acid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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