i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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