You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
