i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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